Sincerity....

Broken Vow

Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
While I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time


I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

Sang by Lara Fabian.

'When you see the love is over in front of you, there is nothing you can do but to stand till and hang on...Always believe that when you lost someone or something, God will always replace them with someone or something better'...

Ubud, Feb 1st 2010 @ almost midnight

screams kill the soul!

I’ve read an article somewhere (forget where) about how people in the Solomon Island, when they want to cut a big and old tree, for days they will scream to that old and big tree and eventually the tree will die and it will make them easier to cut the tree. Well, I don’t know if it’s true or not because I never been to Solomon Island but in the reality, indeed when we see some people like to scream to others, we can see how the effect of it.

I remember my oldest niece, her mom which is my big sister, when she’s angry because of her daughter naughty, she always screams until one day, my 3 years old niece (at that time) said to me ‘mom must not love me because she always screams on me’…I see also my friend, she lost her love to her beloved husband because her husband likes to scream on her…and the latest happening is happened to my self, I am definitely loosing my mood to my job as my boss likes to scream to all his staff especially to me as I am his personal assistant and in my work place, the turn over of the staff is really high, staff comes and go…

It is true that screams kill soul of people we scream on…So, don’t scream to people you love, people you care, or even people you need….other wise you will kill their soul…

So better smile than scream :)...

Silent

Some people say that silent is gold....
But for me, silent is means up to my limit....
over my anger, my upset, my dissapoinment, my pain...
You will not see me scream in front of your face...or saying dirty words like 'FACE OFF!!!!
You will only see my back as I will just leave...
Disappear and no turn back...
Then you will just realize that I was there in your life....

Ubud, Jan 30th 2010

Behind Zen name

Zen is my grand pa's name from my mother side. He is actually a grand pa I never see. He passed away before I was born I guess or maybe when I was a baby. I only hear his story from my mom, that he is an air force army. He got even a medal. My mom said that he is a handsome man. We had his pictures before but when my dad renovated our house, the picture was all gone :(...Tobe honest, I don't know how/can not remember his face and can not imagine how he is look like in my head. For many years, I remember him but never seriously remember him, until one day, around 6 months a go when I was in a hardest part of my life, I felt like he is around me and said to me 'don't cry...Iam here with you'...It was an amazing spiritual experience I guess. Well, I don't know what to call that experience but I guess this is the way my grand pa to send a message to me his grand daughter to remember him and that he is there somewhere looking at me and take care of me from a far place that beyond our sight and by putting his name on my last name is my way to remember him...Thank you grand pa :)...I believe that you are somewhere out there, probably beneath the stars or behind the moon, looking at me and taking care of me :)....Love ya :-*....